Rachel took in everything Brittany said and sighed a little before squeezing her hand in response to her original hand squeeze. As they walked in silence Rachel found herself drifting deeper and deeper into the thoughts she was trying so hard to push away. She wanted nothing more than to just keep herself afloat on the boat labeled reality. She wanted to stay on it to keep herself from being crushed. It was the only option she had at the moment, and Rachel wanted to use it to her best advantage.
“No. You know what? I’m coming with you to get the ice cream.” She was making a bold decision right now. She was not about to sit in the corner and cower away like the loser everyone thought she was. Rachel squeezed Brittany’s hand tightly, yet not tightly enough to cause her any pain. She took in a deep breathe and bit down on her lip with a broad shake of her head. ”We might even sit out on the football bleachers if we so please.” As they continued walking towards the general area of the ice cream truck.
“Having to hide like this is not fair to either one of us Brittany. We both deserve to have a normal relationship just like everyone else in this hell hole.” As she continued walking she felt her eyes get watery… was she seriously about to start crying? ”I know that I’m a loser compared to a lot of other kids in this school… but I’m a loser who wants you to be happy.” She took another deep breathe. ”My feelings for you are.. all up in the air and messed up right now Brittany. But the one emotion I know I will always have for you? Caring. I care about you Brittany. I don’t want to hang around here and not be able to talk to you. It’s.. it’s not right!” By the end of this monologue, Rachel was definitely in tears. It wasn’t enough to attract anyone else’s attention.. but they were definitely there.
Brittany could hear Rachel ramble and ramble and so on, she didn’t stop and her tone of voice was getting higher as she spoke. The blonde suddenly stopped in her tracks, too disturbed to keep going. She looked over to Rachel, pouting and squeezed her hand softly as she she saw the tears pooling in her eyes. It made Brittany want to cry as well but she just sighed and moved one of her hands up to her cheek, drying one of the many tears in her face. “Rach..” she mumbled, looking at the brunette with sadness on her eyes. She had never seen Rachel cry before, not in person anyways. It felt awful and Brittany just wanted to make her feel happy, not sad.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, they were supposed to be happy, eating ice cream and having a good time. Brittany felt guilty for a second and squeezed Rachel’s hand even more, trying to calm her down. “If that’s what you want to do we’ll do it, okay? Just don’t cry anymore.. it makes me a sad panda, please..” she was abstaining herself from kissing the girl once more since they were no longer inside the building but outside and she was sure anyone could see if there was something happening. She really didn’t want anyone attacking them because now they were sharing kisses too.
“And you aren’t a loser, Rach.. you are one of the awesomest persons I’ve ever met. You are super cool and talented and even though you are like, super tiny you have this really strong and awesome personality and I don’t think you should let anyone make you feel like you are not all of that. You are truly awesome, maybe even like - a real star who shines by herself.. don’t let anyone take your sparkle from you.. I believe in you so.. for me you aren’t a loser at all..”